


Heartbeat

by sunshine_locks



Series: Reflections [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20157856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_locks/pseuds/sunshine_locks
Summary: Wasting away was easy when you were alone. Luckily for Teddy, he wasn't.For Belgian Quaffle and Sibilant's 'Five Plus One' challenge.





	Heartbeat

Not for the first time in his life, Teddy wished that he was a more put together person, someone who had better control over their own body and mind. The reason for this was that he had an awful habit of overthinking was incredibly hard to overcome, and he found that it was easy to create his own personal hell when he didn’t know how to stop his thoughts from looping into infinity. 

It was exactly because of his spiraling thoughts that he inadvertently found himself on the floor of his bedroom, rocking back and forth as he tended to. 

Breathing was supposed to be, well, as easy as breathing. Right? Then why did it feel like all the air from the world was gone? Why were his lungs not working? Why was his heart feeling so compressed? Why did his body struggle to function in even the most basic of ways? 

With shaking hands, he took the phone from his side, scrolling down the contact list until he was able to find Srijani’s name. He pressed the call button. 

A few rings later, her voice greeting him floated into his ear, and it took him a moment to answer properly, trying to sound less out of breath than he was. “Hello? Srija?” he managed to get out, still sounding like he was panicked, which he was, but he didn’t want Srijani to freak out too much for the sake of him. He wasn’t worth that. 

“Teddy? Is everything alright?” 

It only took him half a second to decide that he wanted to tell her the truth. He didn’t think that this was something he could keep inside for too long. 

“Um, no, not really. I think—I think I might be having a—having a heart attack?” 

Srijani was quiet for a moment on the other end. “I think you mean anxiety attack, Teddy,” she corrected softly. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Teddy nodded, and then promptly berated himself for doing that; Srijani couldn’t see him. “Yeah, um? I’ve just been thinking a lot about university, and, um, I just really don’t want to go. It’s just this summer has been—has been really trying for me, and I… I don’t know. It’s the same thing all over again, like I just feel so tired and sleepy and I just realized that there are so many things that I have to do before I move and—and—how am I going to survive university, Srija? How am I going to go to classes every day and do the work? If I can’t even do this…” He hugged his legs to his chest tighter. 

“I think it’ll be okay, Teddy,” she reassured, and he almost wanted to scream in frustration. _How_ would it be okay? What was _he_ capable of doing that could make his situation better? “We’ll figure it out together. Step by step.” 

“Will we?” he asked, feeling as weak and small as he sounded. 

“We will,” Srijani said, stronger. “I promise. We’re in the same boat, you know. Let’s start by making a list, okay? I’ll be here with you all the way.” 

In that moment, Teddy didn’t know if he believed her, but she sounded so confident that he wanted to believe her. That everything would be alright, and that he’d make it out the other end alive and not too worse for wear. “Okay,” he said, slumping. “That sounds helpful. And I… I trust you.” 

Teddy was far from being calm, but solidly knowing that there was someone on his side relieved some of the pain in his chest. 

—

“Teddy,” Isabella exasperated. “Teddy come on, you know you can’t be on your computer that long, it’s bad for your health.” 

When Teddy didn’t move to answer her, Isabella began annoying him even more, coming extremely close to poking him, but stopping just shy of doing so. 

Sighing, Teddy dragged his eyes away from his computer screen, glaring at her. “What are you doing here, Isabella?” 

“I invited myself in,” Isabella told him, leaning back into the couch leisurely like she owned the damn place. 

“I literally would have hung out with you if it was any other day than today,” he explained to her. “I’m sorry, I really am! But I have a paper to finish that’s due in like ten hours, and I really need to finish it.” 

Isabella didn’t answer him, giving him a strange look. “How long have you been on your computer, Teddy?” 

Teddy stayed quiet, knowing that his answer would probably condemn him. She merely raised an eyebrow at him, imploring him to tell her. Sighing again, this time loudly, he said, “Fourteen hours.” 

“_Fourteen hours?_ Goddamn you bitch, you need some rest!” 

“I _can’t_! I have too much to do and I can’t rest, let alone be talking to you right now!” Teddy threw a withering look her. “So, if you’ll excuse me…” He looked back at his screen, and began typing away, getting another idea as to how he could prove his thesis better. It went on like this for a bit, not sparing a glance when he felt Isabella get up off the sofa. 

However, he realized that this was not a win for him when Isabella came back to bug him full force, shoving a mug in his face. 

Teddy wanted to snap at her, but he more than figured that she wouldn’t take his shit again if he lost it. Gently, he pushed the mug away, wary that the contents would spill over onto his laptop. 

“What’s this?” he questioned. 

She answered with a question, putting the mug into his hands. “You like your coffee with two sugars, right?” 

“I… do,” he answered slowly, taking a sip. It was just how he liked it. “How did you know?” 

Isabella shrugged. “You learn a few things being around people.” She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. “Also, Vicky T has such a blabber mouth on her.” 

He grinned into his coffee at the mention of Victoire. “Right. Well.” 

A quiet moment passed between them, and he thought of the night and day he had. Yes, he’d been on his computer for fourteen hours, but he’d also been up for longer, doing research in the library when online sources were running short. The tiredness seeping into his bones sobered him to how he acted in the last few hours. 

“I’m… sorry,” he began. “For snapping at you like that. You didn’t deserve that; you were just trying to help.” 

Isabella shrugged, an air of nonchalance about her. How was she so calm? “It’s cool. Well—no, it’s not, not really, but I’ve been where you were. Victoire’s done the same for me, and I guess I’m repaying the favor.” 

“By… taking care of her boyfriend?” he questioned, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

“I just know she’d appreciate it, but also, you’re my friend,” she reasoned to him. “I wanted to help you.” 

“Well, thank you. I think,” he said tentatively, finding it hard to believe that there were people that considered him a friend, “I have some time to talk. After this, it’s just writing the concluding paragraphs and then editing away. How was your day?” 

She smiled at him as she began to regale a story of her statistics professor, always having something to pick with her. 

Leaning back in his seat, Teddy listened to her and tried to relax. 

—

Everything would be okay. Of course, it would be. It had to be, right? No—no, there was no room at all for doubt. Not when the stakes were so high. 

The frown on Teddy’s face set deeper, and his grip on the wheel set tighter. He took in and let out a controlled breath. 

The road before him was not too hard to drive on; it was luckily sparse of most people, only the occasional car passing by. 

Over a year ago, he had passed his test for his driver’s license, an occasion he’d celebrated with exhilaration. He fully believed that he wouldn’t have passed, and the margin on which he did pass on was very small. One more mistake and he wouldn’t have gotten his license. 

But right now? Right now, it felt like he was a beginner learning the basics. Did he even learn to drive at all? It was hard to remember. God, that one tiny accident from a month back had really set him back. Teddy had accidentally bumped into the front car, causing very little damage to both cars, and though the owner of the car graciously let it go, he found that he himself could not. He wished he could. 

Tuning back into reality, Teddy tried to slowly right himself into the middle of the lane. One more inch and he might have gotten himself into some very hot water. 

“Teddy?” 

At the call of his name, he jumped in his seat. Blinking, he turned his head just the slightest to show that, yes, he was paying attention. “Yeah?” he asked, and surprisingly, his voice wasn’t as shaky as he thought it would be considering his knuckles were practically white. And his gut was starting to hurt sharply, and no amount of adjusting his position was soothing the pain. 

“Are you okay?” The concerned note in her voice was hard to miss, and he felt a seed of guilt settle in his stomach. Teddy had offered to drive her to the Burrow; he was due to go back home to the Potters, and now was just convenient for him. He offered because he thought he was ready, and though the road was sparse, it was a lot more slippery than usual because of the rain showers. 

“Completely,” he answered, you know, like a liar. 

Victoire didn’t call him out for his lie either. Instead, she said, “Pull over. Let me drive for a while.” 

“What?” he yelped, eyes still strictly on the road. “No, it’s fine! I made a promise to drive you anyways.” 

“It’s okay,” she told him. “I like driving. Pull over, please?” 

He hesitated. Was it worth it to keep driving? He could hardly concentrate because of how jittery he felt and of the growing pain on his side. 

Reluctantly, he pulled over to the side of the road when it was safe, the car rolling to a stop. He rested his forehead on top of the steering wheel, pausing for a moment to massage his hip. The pain did not go away, and it almost sprung tears to his eyes. 

“Everything alright?” Victoire asked, and he could just imagine the sympathetic look on her face. How could she manage to show that much compassion for him when he was like this nearly every other week? Not as often as it used to be, but still often enough for most people to tire of him. She must truly be a magical fairy. 

But in this moment of time, Teddy didn’t know how to answer her question, but luckily for him—or maybe not so luckily—the soft sob that choked in the back of his throat answered for him. 

“Bear?” Victoire called him by his pet name, and despite the concerning panicked tone, it made his lips tug slightly at the edges. 

Once again, he stayed quiet. A second later, he heard the slam of one door closing and then another opening in quick succession. 

Victoire gently coaxed him to get up, taking him in her arms. He was just short enough that he could cradle his head in her neck. 

The minutes passed slowly, the only noise being Victoire’s murmurs of _it’s okay, we’re okay_ and the slight pitter-patter of rain. Finally, Teddy pulled away, feeling sorry for how his tears now soaked her blouse and for not being able to keep his promise. He apologized to her numerous times, which she brushed away easily with a, “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

Teddy finally moved over to the passenger side, and Victoire made herself comfortable in the driver’s seat. 

Before settling herself on the road, she took his hand in hers, brushing her lips across his knuckles. “We’re okay?” she asked once again. 

The smile playing on his lips was tremulous, but his answer was infinitely more confident. “We’re okay.” 

—

Teddy was tired. There was no beating around the bush for that. In all sense of the word, he was _tired_. Classes today had been particularly trying today. This was on top of the fact that Fridays were usually his busiest days in terms of classes, and that also usually meant that he had a lot more work to do over the weekend. 

There were so many things he regretted at this point. He regretted agreeing to take three classes in one day, he regretted choosing to study both computer science and photography, he regretted forgetting his papers for class, and most of all he regretted not taking his umbrella today. He was soaked from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, and this from the brief rain shower that had cracked open the skies for the few minutes he had to walk home. 

Arriving at his place, he struggled to open the door with his keys and then he slammed the door open. The struggle of opening his door had effectively tipped him past the edge of annoyed into just outright anger. 

God, he was just all out of luck today. 

Setting his bag down unceremoniously inside his home, he threw off his shoes and peeled off his socks. 

Stomping his way upstairs, he locked himself in the bathroom for a much-needed shower. After an intensely long time, he stepped out of the bathroom with his skin colored a raw red and steam billowing out from behind him. 

He was still pissed, but the shower alleviated some of his irritation. The rise in his mood didn’t last for long though. He was soon back to being irritated when he checked the inside of his fridge, realizing that he had also meant to go grocery shopping today, so he was effectively out of something to eat. 

Teddy rubbed his temples, murmuring words of comfort to himself, and then promptly flopped himself onto the sofa facedown. 

If nothing else, he could at least rest for a half hour or so before he had to get himself back on the grind. Which he sorely did not want to. 

A good portion into his rest, Teddy heard a knock on his door. He didn’t want to budge from his spot, but the knocking on the door was only getting more incessant and louder. 

Once again, he stomped to the door, swinging the door open. “_What do you_—oh,” he started, but immediately lost his thunder when he saw that it was August on the other side. Sheepishly, he started again to say, “Hello. Sorry for the, uh, dramatic greeting.” 

August smiled at him, welcoming as always. “Hello, nice seeing you Teddy. And you’re fine.” 

Teddy nodded, not feeling up to saying much more to that. He looked down, seeing plastic bags. “What’s that?” 

The other man—dear God, it sure was weird to consider him that, hell, Teddy didn’t even consider _himself_ a man—merely hummed, deflecting the question. 

August made his way into Teddy’s kitchen like it was his own, and Teddy could only watch as he started moving around. 

He sat at the chairs in front of the island, gaze flitting around absentmindedly with August’s movements, trusting that he wouldn’t screw with his kitchen too much or leave a huge mess. Teddy propped his elbow on the counter and leaned his cheek on his palm. 

At some point, the noises became more of a lullaby, the clinking of the pots and pans lulling him into a sleepier state. 

Just when Teddy was close to falling asleep, his presence was called upon again. “Hm?” he hummed, and August snapped his fingers in the vicinity of his face. 

Eyes snapped open, he glared witheringly at August, and then looked at the bowl in front of him. 

“I made your favorite, by the way, if you want to be awake for that,” August told him. 

“Wild rice and creamy chicken?” Teddy asked, throwing him a hopeful smile. 

“Yup,” he confirmed proudly. “I perfected the recipe just this week, and I wanted to show you.” 

Blinking, Teddy swiped harshly at his eyes. “I’m so tired that I’m moved to tears.” 

“Oh, no,” August panicked. “Please don’t I’m not great at processing all this—” 

“Chill,” Teddy interrupted, a little annoyed. He wasn’t _that_ prone to crying. “I’m not going to cry for real. It’s just… it’s just been a hell of a day.” He breathy sort of laugh escaped him. “How did you ever find out?” 

“I’m magic,” he said, poking Teddy’s shoulder. “Didn’t you know?” 

“I didn’t.” A silence passed between them, and it occurred to Teddy that he should probably put more effort into the conversation than he was giving. He was in no mood to do so, though. “I’m sorry, I’m not in a talking sort of mood today and I’m not really great company right now…” 

“It’s okay,” August waved off. “I actually came here to repay the favor—remember when you let me borrow your AWS notes? Yeah, those helped me out _a lot_ in passing my cert test, and I figured this was the least I could do for you. I just have great timing, I think.” 

Teddy smiled at him, outstretching his arms for a hug. When August took up his offer, he hummed a tune to himself, wondering what the hell he did in a past life to deserve such a great friend. 

—

In general, parties weren’t Teddy’s thing. As he’d gotten older, the shell he was practically born in had cracked opened quite a bit, but in no universe would he ever be the type of person to be comfortable at parties. 

But for Vega, he was willing to give it a go, and try to at least make good conversation with the people around him instead of holing himself up in some obscure corner to scroll through his phone or become increasingly comfortable with the homeowner’s pet. 

Teddy had made conversation with a girl named Haruka that he was pretty sure studied the same subject as him, and even shared a few classes with him in the past four years. It was just that he saw no need to leave his comfort zone to talk to her, and truth be told, he had been a little intimidated by her. 

But in the end, he truly enjoyed talking to her, and sort of regretted not ever trying to get to know her—she was quite a pleasant person when you got to know her past first impressions. 

This, surprisingly, was one of those rare instances that Teddy didn’t regret venturing out of his usual haunts to go to a party, and that was refreshing to him, as he pretty much dreaded any sort of social setting. 

If there was one thing he had to regret though, it would be the fact that he had stayed so long that it was well past twelve o’clock. 

Peeking out the window, Teddy saw that it was well and truly dark out there, with only a few lamp posts lighting up the streets. The world was pretty much dead then, but that didn’t stop his heart from speeding up. 

There could be so much hiding there—monsters that he couldn’t even imagine in his worst nightmares. Or maybe that it was just the sheer possibility that anything could happen out there. What if he tripped and knocked his head so hard that he passed out? What if someone kidnapped him? Or worse, even murdered him? 

Something heavy dropped in his stomach at that thought, and his lips were sore from being bitten so hard. 

Sharply he turned away, seeing no reason to keep looking outside. 

Surveying his surroundings, he considered that he could just stay here for the rest of the night, and walk back home tomorrow morning, when it was nice and bright. That’s what most people were doing, so he wouldn’t be looked at weirdly for that at all. 

Teddy frowned at that idea. Sure, it was the safest idea, but he sure as hell didn’t want to spend the night in the home of a stranger. And besides, his place had such a nice bed waiting for him to climb into it, and it was starting to sound more tempting with each passing minute. 

His stomach did a somersault, and instead of stewing in his own thoughts, he decided to seek out Vega. It wasn’t too hard, as she was only a few paces away from him, only just out of his sight. 

Vega was talking with another friend of hers, but this late into the night, it seemed like she wasn’t all that into it due to the exhaustion. 

“Vega?” he whispered harshly to not surprise her. 

She still jumped in her spot. “Teddy. Hello, yeah, what’s up?” 

“Hey, um,” he began, glancing at the front door. “Are you ready to leave? Because it’s really late and...” 

Vega raised her eyebrows. “I can walk you home, if you want.” 

He relaxed, relieved for her offer. “Oh, thank God. That would be great, actually.” 

She nodded and got up, stretching her limbs, yawning. “I’m getting tired too, so.” 

Teddy nodded, and practically dragged her out the door, eager to get the walk home over with. 

“So, I saw you with—what was her name? Haruka. You seemed to get along well with her,” Vega commented. 

“Yeah,” Teddy whispered, the atmosphere of the outside seeming to ask for a quieter voice. He didn’t want to be noticed by anyone, and he thanked his lucky stars that he was wearing all black. “She was really nice. If only I talked to her sooner.” 

A tree from behind him rustled and his soul nearly leapt away from his body. He picked up the pace, grabbing Vega’s hand. 

“You really should have, even I could have told you she’s nice,” she said, thankfully not minding the sudden action from him. 

Teddy shrugged nonchalantly despite the eerie feeling crawling up his spine. “Did you ever get to talk to Charlotte? You said she was going to be here...” 

“No,” she sighed dejectedly. “It’s so frustrating. I can’t call or text or email her because she told me not to, and I’m afraid that I’ll get her into trouble if I do. I’m so worried about her, but there’s not much I can do to help, and I feel bad, because I don’t want her to feel isolated. I miss her so much, you know, to the point where I’ve had dreams about her. One of them was about how I texted her hello and the whole world exploded, and in the other I was chasing her and as soon as I reached her, she just like disappeared and appeared again farther away from me. I woke up thinking it actually happened in real life or something.” 

“Yes, because teleportation definitely exists,” Teddy joked. He was well acquainted with the situation that she was describing, but even he didn’t know how to help Charlotte or Vega out. He supposed in this case you could only wait it out. 

Catching his home in close distance, he broke out into a run, dragging Vega along with him. He quickly opened the door and closed it behind him as soon as Vega stepped in. 

Home sweet home. 

“Hey, can I crash for a night?” Vega asked. “I’m scared of the dark too and my home’s far from here...” 

Teddy gave her a surprised look. “Then why did you walk me home?” 

“You seemed more scared than I was,” she explained, laughing awkwardly. 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. “Thank you,” he finally settled on not sure how to reply. Words always failed him when he had to express his gratitude, and it annoyed him every time. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I couldn’t just leave you to fend for yourself.” 

“You can stay, by the way,” Teddy answered her request. He added as a precaution, “We’ll have to share a bed though.” 

“Like that ever killed anybody,” she said happily. “It just means more people to cuddle! Thanks for letting me stay.” 

“It was the least I could do,” he replied, falling on deaf ears. Vega was already making her way to his room, and he watched her go. It was beyond his ability to comprehend how he was able to befriend her at all. It was hard to wrap his head around the fact that he deserved her in any capacity. 

Teddy shook his head and followed her up. 

—

Teddy hadn’t done anything today. The most he found the energy to do was brush his teeth and taking a shower—the thought of living in his own dirt disgusted him just enough to convince him to get up. 

After that though, he’d only just managed to flop onto his bed and then promptly spend the next five hours scrolling through his phone to read fanfiction. It was all he could do. 

He contemplated calling any one of his friends, but he felt like that he’d only bring their moods down, or be a burden on them, and that was the last thing he wanted to be. They were his friends, and he didn’t want to exploit them, or drive them away. 

It honestly hurt his heart to think about them leaving him—to the point where it felt like someone was squeezing his lungs. 

At the same time, he really didn’t want to be like this forever. This seemed like such a sad way to live—no energy to do the stuff he needed to, wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing, feeling like life was a waste.

So, what does he do? He took his phone despite every protest in his mind and shot a simple text to Samirah asking about if she was free or not and if she could drop by for a few minutes. 

Samirah, such a sweetheart, responded back in about a minute flat. He knew that she checked her phone every five minutes or so, and in terms of her, it wasn’t a great habit to have, but it was slightly helpful now. 

Her responding text, or texts rather, were in her usual bubbly style saying that she could in fact come over, and he had such perfect timing because she was just about to ask the same. 

Honestly, her existence in general could bring a smile to his face. 

When it was nearing four in the afternoon, just as he was contemplating that he needed to eat, or at least needed to drink some coffee, there was a rapping on his door that made him jolt. 

As quickly as he could (though he hoped not in a desperate manner), Teddy made his way to the door opening the door a tiny sliver to check who it was who he thought it was. 

When it was in fact Samirah on the other side, he held out his arms for a hug and she gave in immediately, albeit going in for an awkward one-armed hug. Teddy practically melted into it, craving touch. Sue him, it had been a few months since he’d received touch, and that was partially his own fault for not leaving the confines of his own home. 

“Hi,” he greeted, smiling softly. He couldn’t help it that he was excited. This was the most energized he’d been all day. Opening the door wider and stepping aside, he invited her in. 

Walking in, Samirah plopped herself on the couch, looking pleased with herself when the sofa sunk in. 

Closing the door and following her in, he saw that one of her hands was in a loose fist, and he signaled curiously at it. “What’s up?” 

Samirah looked down and then brightened, as if she forgot she was even holding something in her hand. “Oh! I don’t, I mean I don’t know why but I saw this at the store the other day, and—and I thought you might like it or something?” She laughed awkwardly and fiddled with her hijab. “Anyways, I, uh, I got it because it reminded me of you.” 

She opened her fist to reveal a panda bear key chain. 

Teddy gave a gummy smile, raising his shoulders in a cute manner. Taking it gently from her hand, he saw that it was a baby panda munching on a piece of bamboo upon taking a closer look. “This reminded you of me? It’s really cute, thank you for thinking of me.” 

Samirah grinned at him and settled in more comfortably. “Mind passing me the remote?” 

Teddy did so, all while joking, “Did you only come here for my Netflix?” 

She gasped. “Oh no, you’ve foiled all of my plans! How will I ever watch my favorite shows now?” 

“Should’ve disguised it better then,” he played along, poking her shoulder. “Mind if I lean on you?” 

“Go ahead.” 

Teddy put his head on her shoulder, and though he was still doing nothing, doing nothing with a friend was marginally better than what he was doing before. He felt a little less lonely, and the silence (barring the episodes of _The Good Place_ running in the background) was bearable. 

A long while later, he said in the quietest whisper, “Thank you.” 

Samirah took a long time to reply, and he thought that she didn’t hear him, which he didn’t care either way if she did or didn’t. But then came, “For what?” 

“Being here? Being you? I don’t know, but I’m glad to see you. It’s just been one of those days or weeks or months, I don’t know,” he said, hoping it would suffice as an explanation. There wasn’t much going on in his life, but his mind was practically a wasteland, and it was in bad manners to dump all of that on her. 

Samirah looked at him, tilting her head. She shrugged. “No problem, really.” 

—

His friends were acting weird, Teddy mused to himself. He’d been friends for long enough to realize that everything they did was suspicious; the way they stopped all conversation the moment he approached him, the way they all hid behind nervous smiles. 

It was all very suspicious, and his first thought was that maybe they didn’t want to hang out with him anywhere. At the formation of that thought, he mentally chided himself. That was exactly the type of thought process that he was trying to change, and did no one, most of all himself, any favors. 

He should really have more faith in his friends. They were not as cruel and cold as he always thought them to be. Teddy should wait it out for a bit and see if they come out and say anything. And if not, he’ll be rational about it and bring it up to see what was going on. 

That was a good plan, a _solid_ plan. 

Thankfully though, Teddy did not have to wait long for his answers though, which was a relief as he didn’t think himself to be classed as a patient person. 

It was inconspicuous—on a workday. 

Teddy had had not the best day, as he had multiple projects to be working on. It was all fun work though. Work he could enjoy, work that wasn’t tedious too much of the time. 

When he had come home, his home was quiet and dark. Not that that was too out of the norm for his home, but it was it was a sort of quiet where he could tell that something was off by a bit. Like someone had moved all the furniture by a couple of centimeters, and nothing was too different, but it was weird as hell. 

Frowning, he kicked off his shoes slowly, turning on the lights. 

Many things happened at once. His home became swathed in light, and every one of his people had jumped up haphazardly, a chaotic chorus of, “Surprise!” echoing around the room with balloons surrounding them. 

Hand still on the light switch, Teddy surveyed the room, wide eyed. “You guys?” 

Victoire, it seemed, was the spokeswoman for the small group of six. “Teddy! Hi! Um... Surprise? Happy birthday? We uh, we wanted to do something to celebrate your birthday, but um. You don’t really celebrate your birthday often, but we wanted to do something special this time around. So, yeah. That’s why we’ve been sneaking around for the past few days. Welcome to your surprise party.” 

Teddy walked closer into his home, seeing that there wasn’t too much that decorated his living room, no banners or anything like that. But there was a cake on the coffee table, and there was a smile pile of gifts, and there was music—K-pop, his favorite—playing in the background from his TV. They did all of this... for him? 

He couldn’t help it, his attention jumped between those three things. And then he reacted in a way that none of them could have predicted, not even him: he burst into tears. 

His friends were unsurprisingly worried about him. It was Vega who questioned about if he was okay, and it was August who commented that maybe they shouldn’t have sprung this on him, and it was Isabella who wondered outwardly about his reaction, though it was still colored with concern. 

A hand landed on his shoulder. He turned to see that it was Srijani. “Everything good? If this is something that you don’t want, we’ll call it off and spend a quieter night in you know,” she said, and he pretty much felt his heart swell a few sizes in that moment. Even when they knew that their hard work might all go to waste, he was still receiving so much care and concern from them. 

“No, no,” Teddy finally said when he was all out of tears, “it’s just that I’m so surprised?” He giggled wetly. “I’m happy, these are happy tears.” 

“Oh, thank god,” Samirah sighed, body visibly relaxing. “I thought we all screwed up somewhere.” 

“You didn’t,” he reassured. “It’s just... I love you all so much, do you know that? I’m so fucking glad to have you all.” 

Vega mock gasped, “Bringing out the cusses? Oh, he’s serious,” and Teddy swatted playfully at her. 

“Group hug?” he suggested shyly. But he needn’t have worried as they all immediately piled on top of him carelessly. 

There was a shout from Srijani. “Oi, watch it! That’s my tit your elbowing! _What the fuck_—how is it possible that I'm being elbowed in _both_ tits?” 

The resultant response was a giggle from Victoire and sheepish laugh from Vega. “Sorry,” the both apologized, and Srijani grumbled to herself. 

Throughout this whole exchange, Teddy felt his smile grow slowly. 

So, this was how it felt to be loved. 

—

Once upon a time, Teddy thought soulmates didn’t exist. They were everything that he didn’t know how to grasp, thinking that they were too good to be true, that they were all stuff of the fairytales. It was impossible for him to comprehend that there could be any one person that would the perfect match for him, any one person that could be able to love him for all that he was and be able to accept what he had to give. His argument to himself was that no one could love him if he couldn’t love himself. Loving himself was a concept wholly foreign to him, and it still was (but he was learning). 

He was wrong on many accounts though. Perhaps it was his dumb bird brain making things up for the sake of self-pity, but he did have a soulmate—multiple, which was the first surprise. Ones that cared for him in a way he didn’t think was possible, who showed him that he was worth fighting for when he didn’t see any point. 

And sure, maybe they weren’t bound together by the fates or magic or something, but he fully believed that he’d be a completely different person if he hadn’t meant them at all. Never in a million years could he have imagined that this was the life that was waiting for him, but he was glad that he was around to see it, and he was glad he _wanted_ to be around to see it. 

Teddy was exactly where he should be. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own The Good Place. "...you know, like a liar," is from John Mulaney, also not a quote I own. 
> 
> I made myself sad writing this, please appreciate this. 
> 
> That aside, the scenes in this story was written using specifically lines from "100 Ways to Say 'I Love You'" off of Tumblr except for the second to last. A lot of them were inspired by own life, though they were changed up quite a bit. 
> 
> Also, yes, I named this and the chapter after Heartbeat by BTS. What about it?


End file.
